First memories from childhood…


I remember myself walking down the street with some tiny little rocks under my feet. I ask my father about some construction elements what were on the yard for reasons of repairing water supply system underground — I asked him, where do they come from. “They grow up, as mushrooms do” — that was the answer. Satori.

Another story: kindergarten. Probably, first violence with intention — terrible. We separated worms into parts as experiment, in the end both parts were alive, starting their sole journeys. Terrible experience, I remember myself killing some insects too, during childhood and later. Most of them were those who attacked me first, to be honest, so… but, it can not be something what really excuses me. These writings — they probably do. It is my opening to the world from the shell. So, I confess my sins openly here, as I am tired of lies. In any forms, even when we talk about that lies for salvation — it feels not right. I wish to be open and as much pure as I only can be, I wish the same for you too. I bless you, from that place of time-space existence of all minds… where I am now.
And now I am curious about that divided manifestations of Mind — two parts of one living being — did we actually give a birth to Mind, new one? If so, is it sin? Yes, our curiosity here actually is — just because it was not our fucking business to take part into someone’s life, especially using this aggressive way. It’s obvious that for our first crimes we faced karmic consequences later. Terrible. So terrible. Ashamed.
Anyway, I should say that I was never actually cruel child, maybe even rather opposite — if we only can compare. When I close my eyes, I find myself somewhere there — that places in kindergarten, wooden houses — small ones for children, to hide themselves inside… from that huge world of big worries and infinite flow of burning passions, as well as attachments — to all that impermanent things around… As Poe writes in one of his poems — “And all I loved, I loved alone” — oh, this line tells so much about my perception and life experience during childhood, during life… As I mentioned already, I was probably too sensitive, what did not meet understanding in my parents’ hearts — so I felt and lived my life alone, so alone…
Solitude is great teacher, I should say. Someone gave birth to thought: great minds born out of egoism alone. Sole journey — so was mine. So is. I go on, and for now Lotus Temple is still my stand-alone journey. I invite others to take part, I welcome explorers of different paths and traditions, as it seems for me — we have something to teach each other, to discuss, to dig out… some treasures — that ones what belong to real treasures of this world. Close your eyes… embrace your vision, start with certain scene and then fly in and around of the details, then move from one scene to another — through your memories from childhood. Try to remember first ones. A moment when you just started to remember things more brightly — but actually you remember all. You remember whole your life, since the moment of your birth. Moreover, you remember the whole universe since that moment of her creation…

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