Autumnal Equinox

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Autumnal Equinox meets me here in psychiatric clinic for Bodhisattvas. Time goes by, the walls are wide and well, that’s nice refuge against wind and rain. Nice place for my experiments, but… what I actually do not like, that fact that I should take pills, even if it’s mild drug for treatment of schizophrenia and autism what is recommended for teenagers as safe. As I wish to keep my mind in more clear state… Anyway, no experiments with psychoactive substances or herbs here, maybe it was enough already in this incarnation, who knows… I wish a place to be alone, to practice fasting and basti again as it was in some old good times as I do believe and I propagate Breatharian dream even when no one listens to or believes. They forgot even European saints with over-impression of materialism in their minds, but how I can judge anyone when I do basti and do not trust to power of my own body enough? Time passes by…
Yes, there are things I work on here — meditation in Lotus, this important skill I will use in the future when the time will come for me to leave the world of impermanent joys — oh, it is not death, but I prepare for that journey as if it was, life is hard sometimes, I fight these battles to have my base again, a place where I can prepare myself for deliberation, as I do believe enough and in my mind I am longing for this more than to anything else, I am just tired to be here…
More time, they say — what can I do? No, I do not dream about becoming commercial artist and spiritual guru, but there are obstacles on my way what are hard to fight with. I should leave the battle itself and wait when life’s flow will bring me to right place in time and space, what — oh Gods — do not exist or they do in my imagination. Longing to obtain freedom of these constructs — they are not what I dream of, believe me. Not every monastery is safe place, a lot of them look like they are losing their original intent and raison d’être. Sad, what can I say? It is not so safe to merge with people as their burdens may be just too heavy to carry on, my mission here is deliberation and bringing of this light to others. I am not ashamed for being myself, I tell you Dharma of Nothing and I tell you about my rises and falls. I need good ground to grow up and bloom once more, as there may be those who are hungry for my fruits. I am into overcoming of the world of impermanent phenomena, guys. I am about overcoming of illnesses, aging, death and birth — and Dharma of Nothing is what I tell you. Give me a base, oh Heaven, oh Gods and Deities, I dream of myself into right surrounding, good place to bloom. And it is my wish in this, today’s Equinox. Blessings to you all, folks. Enlightenment and bliss, never give up your dreams, do not rest forever as this rest may possibly become your decay. Beware!

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