Summer Solstice Revelations


Waking up here, at this very special moment of year circle. Last days I sleep on the floor in my sleeping bag here in the flat in Twangste. Having thoughts of India again, Jain way… tired of civilization! Well, I am about to leave that material possessions of mine, part of that flat I used to live into… so it will be gifted to my sister probably. I do not understand that Samsara world. I perceive too much, I see too many of dirt around, it is terrible sometimes even to walk around. Modern Russia, these people and their ways of talking and acting — I wish I was anywhere else but not here. Should I move next again? Yes, probably. I have no debts. But… where to? India? European Union? Tired of material world and all that people who are so narrow-minded, to be honest. Their habits… I was through re-treats during my life, last years especially. It feels I can not just return and be one of them, well — actually I never was. I love everyone. I admire compassion to all living beings. But here in material world I take and I give almost nothing but my art and experiments. This stuff is not so valuable to those I talk to here in Prutena. Who the fuck will understand. I live kinda in internal monastery while ill society tries to make me think that I am schizophrenic. There is no such thing. Your personal identity, personal divine experience — what schizophrenia really is! Let’s embrace it and dance together with. We are all just different – I was born as someone who lives in another worlds. Yes I have that cravings, but I have some priorities above all. Obstacles around drag me down here in my hometown. Yes I wanna smoke weed in Shiva way as well I am not so interested in that kind of discussions what I can have here with householders. I stay and I live in my Lotus Temple even here, even in psychiatric clinic for Bodhisattva’s, anywhere. Fuck this world. Reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, a gift from kind friend of mine from United States… Just downloaded Heart of Jainism again…

Yeah, I have my backpack here. New backpack, 45 liters inside. Grey color. I am almost ready to go. To return to European Union or what? I may publish Pilgrimbook and disappear in Bharat. Should I forget all as a nightmare? Huh, I will change all my documents at first. And will leave that damned material property. I wanna die with my real name, Lian Wu. That name what I received during my practices. I am ready to leave this world and leave my writings and music and stuff for someone who is curious on spiritual ways. That life was not for nothing, no regrets.

But — today we have Summer Solstice, probably will do some juice fasting as the time has come to move on. Great time for chanting, meditations of different kind and other practices — I should be ready for any possible move. Should be prepared. I am looking for answers about next steps. Blessings to anyone who reads these letters from me. I love you all… ❤

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