So, they offer me to change my legal name once more? Seems funny. No, not now, I guess. Oder? Why not? Tell me the only reason why I shouldn’t? Huh. There is still time for decision, anyway. Do not consider me crazy, please. No, all is ok. One dear soul who was probably someone who firstly mentioned such thing as synesthesia in my life — she inspires me with her creations and ideas, oh how much she does. Creating and destroying, the same as here. Yes, synesthetic waves challenge me on my ways. Ornaments lovely, sounds… all is wonderful. I still miss some ground below my feet, do I really need it?
Deutschland and Berlin welcome me here. I think about that my friend from refugee camp in Slovenia I was a bit in love with — oh, he was too. Pakistan, right? Let me remember… where is he now? He invited me to Germany, to one city where he works in pizzeria — but me? I was so far in re-treat at that time so I did not consider the possibility to meet him there seriously. I try not to brainwash people into something while interacting with them in three-dimensional world. We both were too careful. There were days when he perceived me as male and there were days when he perceived me as female. I experimented with gender roles during that time right in camp, but I did not like male role. Yes, I say that I always was agender or girl or something another from trans spectrum, but not male, never. I never identified myself this way for real. Who knows this story? No one knows what was going on inside of my head that days. Oh Gods, I should write more and I should write carefully.
Berlin. Refugee camp. Black coffee. Flashbacks. Big hangar. Doctor. Dactyloscopy. Foreigners. Queer people. Streets of Berlin. Security guards. Vegetarische meals for me — so I do not need to pay anything. The only bad thing is that I got that fine in U-Bahn, €60. Terrible. Well, I will try to talk to them about my refugee situation, maybe they will forgive me that money. Otherwise — no contracts, no debts. That way how I like it, exactly. Freedom, all belongings are here with me in backpack. Exactly that way how I like it. Preparing for the interviews — yes, I hope all shall be well. Gods will help. Otherwise — I do not know where to go — India, Mexico, any other place? Yes, I love adventures. All shall be well one day. Delusions and realities. All seems to be imaginary. Damn it, what a circus this world is? Who will understand it that way I do? Three refugee camps in Czechia, one in Slovenia — it is impossibly strange but I fell in love with this kind of lifestyle. I really like it, damn. And food here. And showers. And big hangar where I live, I really enjoy it — how I can describe my feelings of adoration towards this big old hangar? Who will understand? No money, no SIM card, no bank account or debit card — nothing. Do you understand how this lifestyle inspires me? Today I played on the street again here in Berlin. I was there near Brandenburg Gates sitting in Lotus and playing my Vietnamese jaw harp, a gift from Agitation Phi. I should learn if there are any rules for busking in this city. Anyway, work is forbidden for me for next 3 months.
I was happy to meet Queer social worker here, it gives me back my trust into myself. Thank you for the stickers, for your kind words of support, for all. For your Love.
Oh Gods, how many ways of understanding exist in multiverses. I am THERE now in my worlds that are accessable with shamanic rituals. Oh Gods, I wish to meet new awesome people here in Berlin…